I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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