He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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