do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
