K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
