Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
