A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You made out with two different species that night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
