I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
