my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
