Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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