I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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