In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
