matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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