my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
