So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
