feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
