I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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