If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
