I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you had me at cake vodka
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
