you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
