So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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