So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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