I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
