I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
