well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
zippers are such a cool invention
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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