dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
