She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
