rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
