Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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