Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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