Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
