do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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