He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
