How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
