remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
