I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
