If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this just has baby written all over it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
