Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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