she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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