The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did i walk over a car last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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