6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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