you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
