My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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