Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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