Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
