i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
