Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
