WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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