I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
