And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
