Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
