Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
