i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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