well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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