So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
