you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
